Please stop the world and let me weep

The brunch was called off, got up too late. Spent the entire morning lazying around on the warm sofa watching news and AXN. Kitkat was enjoying her sunbath nearby - stretching, yawning and purring loud.

There's a subtle melancholy in the air, and I know he felt the same way too. We spent the day together, grocery shopping to Auchan, heart to heart talk, mellowed out in couple massage at the spa, dinner at JJ's and more cuddles. But this feeling stayed on ...... forcing the view of a bigger perspective of human interconnectedness.

I'm not looking for consolation, I'm not looking for answers nor hear the right-or-wrong values, I'm not looking for contradiction nor approval. I've always had this question about who we are. Nothing more than accumulated perceptions gained in a lifetime.


"Mom said that "this" and "that" is bad for you" "Uncle X likes to draw. I really like his paintings" "Mom used to tell me stories about grandma how she loved cooking & that she was a forward thinker in her time. Great grandma apparently had the same qualities, she was a progressive thinking lady in her time, landlady of a vast plantation in West Java and a great horseback rider"

"Grandad was a great linguist, self taught in Italian, Japanese, Dutch, English and Latin"


** Today, I am all of those bits and pieces of qualities and perceptions which I thought is ME. Perhaps this will help me to understand myself better - and the rest of the world. I remember a story from my childhood, Hans Christian Anderson collection about The Ugly Duckling, how you grow up thinking you are what the society think you are. Not because of who you really are.


How sad it is to hold on to something that doesn't really exist, that deluding perceptions of who you are. Perhaps we all need some kind of comfort zone to measure ourselves against the harsh perceptions from the society we live in. Constantly struggling to be accepted. Constantly defending the illusive Self, pride, status, feelings...... It's exhausting - and I think it is so unfair that we have never been given the chance to break this away world of perception. It is sad.

Living in Jordan

Backposting - October 1997

These days were one the best days in my travelling experience. Signing a one year contract to fly with Royal Jordanian Airlines, were practically the first batch from Indonesia, ever. There were only 6 of us: Deisy, Daru, Rachma, Tieneke Herman, Dhidit and myself. Silly fun looking bunch of newbies to the middle eastern life. Really excited!

Initial training took almost 2 months, in the mean time, we were accommodated in a hotel nearby the airport, Queen Alia, apparently there were only two international hotels in the city. Training was a blast, we had so much fun as everything was totally a new experience for us. The hotel life got a bit boring after a while, at one point, we got so sick & tired of the same food after trainings so we decided to befriend the hotel chef who finally let us to go into the kitchen to cook our Indo foodstuff.

Tieneke & myself on the way to ballad for some grocery shopping

Apart from that, we still thought the main attraction during sunday brunch were watching the local women jumping into the swimming pool complete with their black yahala dresses and face covers, and the most annoying part of evenings was to slammed the phone on anonimous s*x phone calls - arab men for sure. Just disgusting!!! Bored girls tend to do silly stuff. One night we decided to have a drink down at the bar with the pilot cadets, which to our surprise turned into a nightmare. We were told off by the hotel management, they wouldn't tolerate any crew misbehaving in the hotel.... *we're not even officially 'crew' yet* and from that day on, two sky marshals were assigned to monitor what we do in in the hotel after coming back from training and ensure that we return to our own rooms.... like we'd even thought of doing something else.... iiih, plis deh!

Spending the night at the Dead Sea on my birthday, just the five of us

Then FINALLY, time to do our Check Flights - to be certified as an active Flight Attendant. Ooooh boy, couldn't remember where we flew to, it didn't matter anyway as you wouldn't even have a chance to look out through the window ..... or even breathe. Still remember my check flight supervisor was Susan Zelvo - known as the "dragon lady" - not sure about the "lady" part though, she looked and sounded like a man. When she put you to test, she does that passionately, won't leave you alone. Give her one wrong answer, she'd come back to you with a hundred more...... Just a total nightmare! We all passed.At that time, we all flew this Boeing 737 and L1011 Tristar. These aircrafts are considered flying junk these days. Too old. Lucky if you can get them to take off. Even back then, Tristar were known to have problems with their cargo doors that tend to open accidentaly while airborne.....

Our home in Marj Al Hamam - Amman, Jordan, about 15 mnts away from the airport

Thankfully, we were given enough training salary to move out of the hotel and rent a house immediately. We fell in love with a beautiful house up on the hill in Marj Al-Hamam area. Fully furnished and we all shared the fee - except Dhidit who decided to move in with her newfound boyfriend, whom I think she dumped not long afterwards. She loved her freedom too much...... Ya ampun Dhit, inget nggak loe?

Flying was fun, sort of. We preferred to fly rather than staying in home-base. These long layovers were just the best!!! 4 days, 7 days, 14 days... if you're lucky. Bangkok, Kuala Lumpur, Amsterdam - and most of the smaller cities in God-knows part of Europe I have never even heard before. Where the hell is Klagenfurt?!?

Klagenfurt stopover, on one of the charter flights. Delayed for 6 hrs of
technical problem a.k.a pintu kargo macet lagi bouw. Tristar emang biasanya.....

PS: Ketemu juga, ngubek2nya di German, ternyata Klagenfurt itu di Austria.. whoops!

Losari Coffee Plantation Honeymoon

Off we went to Yogyakarta on Oct 6 and decided to stay for 2 days there after a hectic week with the family and wedding bits. LOSARI is supposed to be a luxury retreat to the high end, similar to the boutique resorts like Aman and Begawan Giri . It' s nice to find that there're only us with another Italian couple stayed at the time, so pretty much we had the resort to ourselves. We were actually invited by the owner, Mrs. Teggia previous owner of Amandari resort in Ubud.

Originally a Dutch coffee plantation built in 1928 with a spectacular club house - all well kept to the smallest details, nestled in the middle of 20 hectares coffee plantation surrounded by 8 volcanoes. In short it was a wonderful stay. We were spoiled rotten with spa treatments, massages, bath rituals and excellent cuisine. I found their 'traditional massage' concept very interesting. The mattress is placed on the floor and we were asked to have a steam bath first. The therapists, apparently were called from the the local village. Two very old ladies appeared, very genuine, told us what they do for a living - *mind you, they were in the middle of cooking for their grand children when being called in for the treatment* Their massage knowledge has been passed down from generations. Wow, talking about authenticity of traditional massage!

The best part is their house blend coffee - grown in their back of the house plantation, along with other spices and mushrooms! Plantation tour is part of the program suggested - followed by a quiet lunch in Java Red, their restaurant overlooking a breath-taking view of the plantation. Excellent food, I overheard the chef previously worked for Aman.

Leyeh-leyeh di bale bengong nonton sunset.This is the day bed where we spent the evenings together watching sunset while sipping afternoon tea. They also have that delicious Losari coffee, ginger tea, warm herbal drinks on the display table and lots of lots of cookies.... yummie!