Please stop the world and let me weep
The brunch was called off, got up too late. Spent the entire morning lazying around on the warm sofa watching news and AXN. Kitkat was enjoying her sunbath nearby - stretching, yawning and purring loud.
There's a subtle melancholy in the air, and I know he felt the same way too. We spent the day together, grocery shopping to Auchan, heart to heart talk, mellowed out in couple massage at the spa, dinner at JJ's and more cuddles. But this feeling stayed on ...... forcing the view of a bigger perspective of human interconnectedness.
I'm not looking for consolation, I'm not looking for answers nor hear the right-or-wrong values, I'm not looking for contradiction nor approval. I've always had this question about who we are. Nothing more than accumulated perceptions gained in a lifetime.
"Mom said that "this" and "that" is bad for you" "Uncle X likes to draw. I really like his paintings" "Mom used to tell me stories about grandma how she loved cooking & that she was a forward thinker in her time. Great grandma apparently had the same qualities, she was a progressive thinking lady in her time, landlady of a vast plantation in West Java and a great horseback rider"
"Grandad was a great linguist, self taught in Italian, Japanese, Dutch, English and Latin"
** Today, I am all of those bits and pieces of qualities and perceptions which I thought is ME. Perhaps this will help me to understand myself better - and the rest of the world. I remember a story from my childhood, Hans Christian Anderson collection about The Ugly Duckling, how you grow up thinking you are what the society think you are. Not because of who you really are.
How sad it is to hold on to something that doesn't really exist, that deluding perceptions of who you are. Perhaps we all need some kind of comfort zone to measure ourselves against the harsh perceptions from the society we live in. Constantly struggling to be accepted. Constantly defending the illusive Self, pride, status, feelings...... It's exhausting - and I think it is so unfair that we have never been given the chance to break this away world of perception. It is sad.
There's a subtle melancholy in the air, and I know he felt the same way too. We spent the day together, grocery shopping to Auchan, heart to heart talk, mellowed out in couple massage at the spa, dinner at JJ's and more cuddles. But this feeling stayed on ...... forcing the view of a bigger perspective of human interconnectedness.
I'm not looking for consolation, I'm not looking for answers nor hear the right-or-wrong values, I'm not looking for contradiction nor approval. I've always had this question about who we are. Nothing more than accumulated perceptions gained in a lifetime.
"Mom said that "this" and "that" is bad for you" "Uncle X likes to draw. I really like his paintings" "Mom used to tell me stories about grandma how she loved cooking & that she was a forward thinker in her time. Great grandma apparently had the same qualities, she was a progressive thinking lady in her time, landlady of a vast plantation in West Java and a great horseback rider"
"Grandad was a great linguist, self taught in Italian, Japanese, Dutch, English and Latin"
** Today, I am all of those bits and pieces of qualities and perceptions which I thought is ME. Perhaps this will help me to understand myself better - and the rest of the world. I remember a story from my childhood, Hans Christian Anderson collection about The Ugly Duckling, how you grow up thinking you are what the society think you are. Not because of who you really are.
How sad it is to hold on to something that doesn't really exist, that deluding perceptions of who you are. Perhaps we all need some kind of comfort zone to measure ourselves against the harsh perceptions from the society we live in. Constantly struggling to be accepted. Constantly defending the illusive Self, pride, status, feelings...... It's exhausting - and I think it is so unfair that we have never been given the chance to break this away world of perception. It is sad.
